My Dearest Thorin
by SnapDragonZ
Summary: Memories are poured out into a letter to Bilbo's lost love. Sadly, I do not own The Hobbit. If I did, something like this would happen. Oneshot.


My dearest Thorin,

It has been many a year since I came back to Bag End, and I still think of you. I think of what happened beneath that mountain. I think of how I should have done something to help you, to save you. I wanted to tell you how much our few nights alone together made me feel like you truly loved me even if for a few hours and in the darkest corners of the cave. You were cold to me the moment we laid eyes on each other so I tried to keep my distance, but I couldn't help but steal glances your way. Feel my heart pang when you looked at me with disgust, like you'd rather have taken a rock than a lowly Hobbit if you had the choice. When I saved everyone from the trolls, I had hoped you would at least acknowledge my existance. As always, I got the cold shoulder. I was a determined Hobbit though. If great-grandfather Took taught me anything, it was to keep pushing through. I would get you to notice me one way or another.

It started when we were in Rivendell. While everyone was picking at their food in the dinner hall, I chose to watch you as you just sat there, lost in thought. My heart yurned with curiosity at what was going on behind those dark brown eyes. Were you thinking of some dwarf maiden you left behind in search of your lost mountain? Someone you wished you have kissed one last time? Wished you had a few children with to carry on your name had you not made it? I wish I had the courage to tell you I had fallen for you then. I was shaken out of my trance when Kili started tossing food at my head, asking me what I was staring at. God, I miss Kili and Fili. They were good boys, albeit a bit dimwitted at times. Their hearts were in the right place. I miss them all, but most of all, I miss you. I miss you and I love you and there is no one who can change that. You were my lover and my friend. Frodo may read this one day and finally put to rest his questions of why I haven't settled down and found myself a missus.

I remember being chased by those fur ridden _things_ and falling into a hole that Gandalf practically threw us into. I fell somewhere where I couldn't see you or the others. Instead I found a pond of water, a ring, and a thing that has come to be called Gollum. a game of riddles gave way to finding the group, and in time, finding a way into your heart. After getting yelled at for being lost and being told I should've stayed back home, I kept following the group, hoping for a chance to redeem myself in your eyes. When we ended up in that tree because of the beasts, I felt your eyes on me. I felt like this was my time. I grabbed a firey pinecone that Gandalf magicked up and started throwing them down. Dori couldn't hang on, remember that Thorin? When he fell and I caught him just in time? Surely, you do. I remember it hurt to hold onto him, he was much heavier than I was. But he made it, thankfully. I wish you made it. So many nights I wish you were next to me, kissing me, making love to me like you did before.

The first time I noticed you actually showed any interest in me at all was during our stay in the woods. I decided I wanted to explore a little before we were driven off by orcs or elves. I slipped on the ring and quietly stepped around sleeping dwarves until I was by your head when I heard you speak. I couldn't help but freeze to listen for anything of importance. You spoke my name, clear as day. I felt my heart skip several beats as you muttered something that sounded like, "my halfling. Mine." Your hands were so close to my feet, an inch or so closer, you could've felt the hair on my toes. I wanted so bad to kiss those wonderful lips, run my hands through your thick hair. Reason gave out to desire and so I bent ever so gently, over that angelic face of yours and planted a gentle kiss on your lips that I hoped wouldn't wake you. I think that was the first time I had acted on my feelings for anyone. Your eyes suddenly fluttered open and you were staring right at me. If I didn't have the ring on, I would have a lot of explaining to do, wouldn't I, Thorin? I'm sure I would. I felt embarrassed for what I had done and ran into the woods surrounding us, my heart pounding like a drum. I heard footsteps as someone shuffled past the tree I was hiding behind. Someone calling my name. I saw you stumbling around, yelling for me. The ring called for me to just run away and leave you behind. The pull was strong but my love for you was stronger. So I pulled off the ring and stepped out of the shadow. You glared at me, and I prepared for another round of shouts and name-calling. Remember what you did? You grabbed my hand and pulled me into a tight hug before lifting my face to meet yours. I remember the look of utter relief that I wasn't dead or gone running back home. "Thorin." I whispered, not sure what was going to happen next.

A whisper. That's all that took for you to kiss me roughly, like you knew this may be the last time we'll have together. My fingers automatically went into your hair, pulling the kiss ever closer. I wanted the taste of you to linger. Your lips moved from my mouth to my cheek and lower. My only thought was how much I wanted to show you I loved you. Words wouldn't be enough, neither would be a simple kiss. I wanted to give you my whole being. I wanted you inside me. The burning need was driving me wild. I could tell it wasn't easy for you either, Thorin. The fire in your eyes was enough. You only stopped long enough to strip yourself of your furs and other clothing, motioning me to do the same. My hands shook at the thought of being yours, and yours alone even for a night. I'm not going to lie, you were a bit rough when it came to making love, but I wouldn't take it back if I could. I loved every kiss, every touch, every thrust, every moment. You were an amazing lover, Thorin. You were _my _lover. I remember we snuck off almost every night to have sex. During the day, we would sneak glances and occasional tender kisses. I relive those moments in my mind almost every night. I think of you before I fall asleep and I think of you when I awake. As I fought alongside you and the others, I felt like I had a secret we two would only know. Sharing the barrel down the river, I felt you place gentle kisses on my forehead, and felt your erection as we were constantly rocked against each other. With dwarves on our left and right, I could not do anything but try to stay still, for moving would surely cause me to lose my head and have you take me in the barrel or worse, the others would take notice and mock or scorn.

The people in the town seemed quite excited to see us with weapons on our back, as they have been tormented by Smaug for many years. So many wanted to shake our hands, some to wish us luck. Quite a few women threw themselves at you. I felt a flare of jealousy, as you were mine, not theirs. How dare they place their hands on you? Take your hands and try to make you touch their breasts? I remember the ring calling out to me to put it on and give those ladies a good kick, or trip them down the stairs. I shook it off as best I could, content on glaring at them from a safe distance. I was glad you could steal a moment to kiss me quickly before we went on our way to the mountain. We found the door, thankfully. I snuck in and stole a cup but not before noticing a weak link in the dragon's hide. I ran out there as fast as I could when Smaug realized what I had done and started chasing me out. I ran into your strong safe arms, just as Smaug flew above us to attack the small town. I told you what I had found out about Smaug's weakness. As we ran down the mountain, we watched as a man called Bard took down the dragon. The beast was dead, you could have your mountain again, and I was so happy for you. Something came over me as we locked eyes. I didn't care who was watching. I leaped into your arms and planted a kiss on your lips, with as much force and love as I could put behind it. I remember you cupped my buttocks, keeping me steady with my legs around your waist as we kissed in our celebrations.

With the dragon finally gone, we went back into the Lonely Mountain to pick out our treasure. I didn't want much, just seeing you happy in your rightful place was all I really wanted. But a stone that shone brightly caught my attention. It reminded me of a giant ruby of sorts. I slipped it into my pocket, hoping nobody noticed. Only later had I learned how wrong I was when I thought it was just a stone. When the Wood-elves and Lake-men stormed the mountain, demanding compensation, I had thought that I could keep a war from happening if I gave the Elf king what I came to find out was the Arkenstone, your family heirloom. I was wrong. I was so wrong. I'm so sorry Thorin. My heart was crushed when you told me to leave after finding out what I did. I begged and pleaded for you to reconsider. I even mentioned our beautiful moment in the woods, much to the disgust of the others and also, to my shock, you. Tears fell from my eyes as I ran away from you, from the mountain. My selfish betrayal ruined us all.

Gandalf found me shortly afterwards, and after explaining what happened, he told me something huge was about to happen. Oh, how I wished I knew back then what I knew now. I wish I could have saved you. The battle was only won because of you. I sat there holding your hand as you apologized, as I begged Gandalf, anyone really, to spare your life. But alas, you could not be saved. I kissed you one last time before the life slowly went out in your beautiful eyes. Thorin Oakenshield, I love you. Forever and always.

With love from your halfling,

Bilbo Baggins


End file.
